A letter of sorts

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. Where do I start? First off, your plagiarized content becomes a best seller creating all sorts of frenzy amongst book worms worldwide. Then you get a movie deal complete with credible director, hot, young cast and a budget smaller than Tom Cruise. Tacky special effects and mediocrity aside you become a box-office smash reducing teenage girls to squealing, blabbering, Rob Pattison-raping messes. The development of your sequels has been all anyone wants to hear about. Now, just as New Moon has begun filming and I thought all hope of you becoming a decent movie franchise is lost, Juan Antonio Bayona is announced as the most likely candidate to take on your third installment. Who is Juan Antonio Bayano you ask? Oh, just the hottest young (horror) filmmaker to come out of Spain since Fernan Gomez (with the support of Guillermo del Toro no less).  Of course, simply because The Orphanage is one of my favourite films, that doesn't mean you should put all your faith in Juan Antonio Bayano. After all, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Drew Barrymore is one of the other directors Summit Entertainment are seriously considering for your third piece. There, there (insert self patting Twilight's shoulder as it sobs into hands). I don't want to stick the knife in, but do you know what Barrymore said when asked if she's going to direct Eclipse? "Because I'm a director now." Yes, that's a direct quote from the woman herself and with the annunciation of an eight-year-old child she has been able to some up everyones worst fears in less than five words. Being the pro-active pen pal that I am, I have included some pictures of the said directors for you to peruse. Don't be fooled Twilight, Barrymore may be easy on the eye and have plenty of sway in Hollywood, but keep in mind she brought us such `quality' films as Ever After and Never Been Kissed. Better luck with the fourth installment ay. 

(Above) Spanish horror film maker Juan Antonio Bayano, potential Eclipse director or . . .

the job could go to Drew Barrymore (below) in what would be her second feature film.