14 things almost as blasphemous as a Buffy remake without Joss Whedon

In the words of Amy Winehouse "what kind of fuckery is this?". In case you haven't heard the atrocious news by now, Roy Lee and Doug Davison of Vertigo Entertainment are planning a big-screen remake of Buffy the Vampire Slayer WITHOUT Joss Whedon. It goes without saying fans the world over have exploded and I read on one site that "Whedonites will burn L.A to the ground before they let this happen." I agree, and frankly if reducing L.A to a pile of ashes will stop the remake, then it's a price worth paying. Apparently the Vertigo Entertainment douchebags are working with the director of the original Buffy movie Fran Rubel Kuzei and her husband Kaz on the relaunch. The new movie will not retain ANY of the original characters so say bye-bye to Spike, Angel, Willow, Giles, Xander and all the rest. Just Buffy Summers will remain for the movie which is not a sequel or prequel, instead it will be an `entirely new' version. Except it will suck. Oh and get this, they want to do a Chris-Nolan and make a darker version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Darker than the series? Are you serious? AH! I can't talk about this anymore because it makes me so damn angry. It has taken me nearly two weeks to calm down enough to write this post. It's blasphemy I tell you! Buffy the Vampire Slayer without its creator and father Joss Whedon? After an entire series has been created and adored for years and while the storyline continues amongst hugely popular graphic novels? An entire Buffy-verse exists which just can't erase and try to start again. Fuck that! Everything about Buffy the Vampire Slayer stems from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon. From the story lines to the dialogue to . . . EVERYTHING! Buffy is my favourite television show of all time and I don't want to see it raped by some studio keen to cash in on the Twilight-induced vampire craze that is intoxicating teens at the moment. Remaking Buffy without Joss Whedon would be like making more Star Wars episodes without George Lucas at the helm. But since the only way you're going to get Lucas off the Star Wars bandwagon is by prying it out of his cold, dead hands that blasphemy would never happen. So, to summarise my argument about why a Buffy the Vampire Slayer rehash would be a disaster without Joss Whedon here's a brief list I have put together. 

14 things almost as blasphemous as a Buffy remake without Joss Whedon

• Watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button twice.
  
• Germaine Greer on the cover of FHM.
• A donkey dislocating its jaw to swallow a python.
• Megan Fox winning an Oscar.
• A velvet jumpsuit.
• Kevin Rudd singing `Ice Ice Baby' on Tuesday karaoke night.
• B*witched announcing a comeback tour.
• Rob Zombie.
• House numbers spelt with letters.
• An Electra sequel.
• Cadbury ceasing the production of Cream Eggs.
• Stephenie Meyer winning a Pulitzer Prize.
• Waking up at 6am.
• A Bratz movie. Oh, wait . . .