Analyse This

While Maurice Chevalier once thanked heaven for little girls, I thank heaven for tech-savvy friends. And no, just because I have a blog that doesn’t mean I’m not severely technologically retarded. Anywho, one of these tech-savvy friends installed Google Analytics for me in August, so I can track how many readers visit Movie Mazzupial, where they come from etc. Suffice to say it shed some interesting results when I checked it a few days ago.

What’s the most read post you ask? Okay, you didn’t ask but I wanted to know. In the biggest unsurprise since Perez Hilton got bitch slapped like the bitch he is, my interview with the three lovely lads from The Twilight Saga: New Moon was most popular. Like I said, unsurprise. Coming in at second, although considerably behind, was my breakdown on Chris Nolan’s Inception which proves my point that people are desperate to know anything they can about this flick. The Narnia exclusives were also liked among you readers and the quest to decipher the 50 famous movie titles in the CineBuzz ad led some perusers here.

My insides are buzzing with contentment that there are potentially hundreds of brides out there planning to get a Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride cake given the number of people who viewed the post I wrote on a friend of a friend’s wedding cake. Other well-read posts include the Tomorrow, When The War Began breakdown, my favourite movie posters of all time and it’s follow-up; the ten worst movie posters.

Most people who read Movie Mazz come from the UK with Aussies a close second and the US taking out third. There’s also a big readership in Norway, Italy, Sweden, Canada, Germany and Japan. There’s a bunch of peeps getting in on the Movie Mazzupial action in France too, but I’m not counting that because I’m pretty sure I know exactly who those 12 readers are (thanks guys!). Some readers I don’t know are the ones from Kuwait, Pakistan, Latvia, Moldova, Ukraine, Vietnam and Martinique. Wait, whoa, Martinique? I’ve never even heard of the country before, seriously. A Google search now informs me Martinique is an eastern island in the Caribbean Sea and has a population of 402, 000, with many lush rainforests and colourful birds. Overall there were visits from 54 different countries and territories, which I’m flattered with, so thank-you for coming here and sticking around long enough to read something. I’m throwing that useless movie knowledge net far and wide baby.

The most interesting tool in the Google analytics arsenal is the one which shows you how people found your site and what search term they used. First of all, to the person who found Movie Mazzupial by Googling “he shied a gat as he blew a berg” (a quote from one of my favourite movies; Brick) right now you’re getting a big virtual high-five from me. Someone who won’t be getting a high-five is the thug who came here by Googling Michael Bay and Anthony Lane in THE SAME SEARCH TERM! BLASPHEMY! I somehow figured there would be a name AVO out on two such vastly different names being used in close proximity. Really, how can the destructive, abomination that is Michael Bayhem have anything to do with the creative and critical genius of The New Yorker’s Anthony Lane? Some other hilarious search terms that led what can only be described as `different’ people to Movie Mazz include;

• Where The Wild Things Are title font (hmmm, OCD much?)
  Can you dig it baby + pimp of the 70s (the best use of a plus sign I’ve ever seen)
• Corpse bride wedding (they say it’s illegal, but we say love extends beyond the grave; a handy guide to marrying your dead neighbour)
• Quotes from Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging (really? You really want to remember lines from that movie? Really?)
• Tom Hardy pictures (times this search term by, oh, say 12,000 and add the word naked and you would be close to one of the most popular search terms)
• Skinniest person on the Biggest Loser (and this led you here? How? Oh, wait, that’s right)
• Odette Yustman is spankable (and you, my dear reader, are no doubt very disappointed at what you found on this site with a search term like that)

Along with a reader I got from a referral from Sit Down For This (thanks Rickis!), my favourite search term used has to be this one;

• Epistemological conundrum in movies

Seriously, I feel smarter just knowing someone who actually understands what that means came here looking for an answer. Until the next tri-monthly Google analytics update, I heartily thank you for reading. I hope you were able to get some satisfaction out of it, but not Odette Yustman spankable satisfaction. Ew.
I now leave you with a few terms that will definitely get me a few more readers.

• Odette Yustman getting spanked by Tom Hardy.
• Michael Bay blows up the cast of Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging.
• Tom Hardy naked and sweaty.
• 70s pimp writes list of the movies with an epistemological conundrum using Where The Wild Things Are title font.
• Tom Hardy hard.
• Love concurs all as necrophiliac marries corpse bride.
• Tom Hardy gets naked for Rick.