The 6 coolest movie characters of the last decade
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
“And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three, and when I count three, you let go of your gun, and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready?” – Jules (Samuel L. Jackson), Pulp Fiction
When it comes to cinematic cool, Samuel L. Jackson’s character Jules from Pulp Fiction is the definition. Suffice to say super-cool movie characters don’t come around every day, but when they do, they leave an impression. It takes a brilliantly scripted character and a stellar performance from the actor to pull off a smooth operator on screen. Here are six of my personal standouts from the last decade:
Sands, Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003)
He may be known for his quirky and original characters, but Johnny Depp’s turn as the sarcastic, slightly neurotic FBI agent Sands in Once Upon A Time In Mexico is unforgettable. With his trademark sunnies, Michael Jackson gloves and who-gives-a-fuck attitude, Sands oozes charisma. I mean, the man has his eyes cut out and he still manages to hook up with Eva Mendes, shoot a bunch of bad guys and call a cab driver a “fuck-mook.” Director and Movie Mazzupial favourite Robert Rodriguez is known for creating stylish and cool films, yet Sands is like the embodiment of his cinematic mantra. Plus, he has some of the best throwaway lines such as “Are you a Mexican or a Mexican’t?”
Hit Girl, Kick-Ass (2010)
Parenting groups were up in arms over Chloe Grace Mortez’s portrayal of Hit Girl/Mindy Macready; the 11-year-old mass murdering, potty mouthed superhero from Kick-Ass. Unlike so many god awful superhero movies, the character of Hit Girl remained true to its origins in the graphic novel written by Mark Millar and illustrated by John Romita Jr. Preferring a bench made model 42 butterfly knife over a Bratz movie-star make over Sasha doll, Hit Girl is the epitome of cool; saving the day on more than one occasion and killing more than her fair share of bad guys in a suitably bloody fashion. Like a cross between Mini Me and The Bride, Hit Girl is more than comfortable dropping the c-bomb and “fucking” with people, thus making her the coolest 11-year-old ever.
Black Dynamite, Black Dynamite (2009) 
A parody of every Blaxploitation character ever, Michael Jai White starred as the title character in the film he wrote with friends Byron Minns and Scott Sanders. When `the man’ kills his only brother, pumps heroin into local orphanages and starts shrinking the male anatomy through malt liquor, there’s only one brother bad enough to unravel the conspiracy: Black Dynamite. And so, we are introduced to one of the coolest on-screen characters in recent times who can seduce any woman in sight, defeat the entire population of Kung-Fu Island and take on a num-chuck wielding Richard Nixon. Robert Downey Jr’s Sergeant Lincoln Osiris via Kirk Lazarus from Tropic Thunder looks like a private schoolboy compared to White’s superb and often shirtless portrayal of Black Dynamite. Treading the fine line between parody and pandemonium, he has created the epitome of cool with so many quotable lines you can see a legion of males trading impressions whilst gathered around the water cooler at work. The highlight being “First lady, I’m sorry I pimp slapped you into that China cabinet . . . I use excessive force.”
Bang Bang, The Brothers Bloom (2009)
They say silence is golden and in the case of Bang Bang (Rinko Kikuchi) from The Brothers Bloom, this is definitely the case. As the classy explosives expert in the conman team she has some of the best moments in the film, all without uttering a single word. With no dialogue, it is to Kikuchi’s credit she is able to create a quirky and ridiculously cool criminal whose trademark is to make bombs out of Barbie dolls. Even Kikuchi’s Oscar-nominated role in Babel doesn’t hold a candle to the infinite coolness of Bang Bang.
Eric Knox, Charlie’s Angels (2000)
Sure, not an obvious choice, especially when the always-impressive Sam Rockwell spent the first half of the movie as the bumbling and shy I.T expert Eric Knox. But once the veil is lifted and Knox’s true identity as the villain is revealed, things take a turn for the better. Few actors would have been able to moonwalk to Pharoahe Monch’s Simon Says with as much smoothness as Rockwell, who does it with a cigarette in his mouth and a skip in his step. His performances in movies such as Moon, Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, Choke and Frost/Nixon may be more superior dramatically, but when he is on screen as Eric Knox Charlie’s Angels are about as interesting as the three chipmunks.
Elle Driver, Kill Bill: Vol 1 & 2 (2003, 2004)
Daryl Hannah’s most famous role as the mermaid from Splash was altogether annihilated when she picked up the Samurai sword for the deliciously evil and sadistic character of Elle Driver aka California Mountain Snake in the Kill Bill films. The seven dwarves could have never guessed the term `whistle while you work’ could be utilised by such a lethal mistress in the hospital scene when she sports a naughty nurse outfit and a matching eye-patch. With a cup of crazy, a sprinkling of deadly skills, a pinch of dry wit and eight parts cool, Hannah’s atrocious performance in the floptastic Shark Swarm in 2008 can almost be forgiven for the character of Elle Driver. Her best moment? Cooly getting out her notebook and reading off a series of facts about the Black Mamba while her former colleague Budd is squirming on the ground after being bitten by the snake she planted in his brief case. “Now, you should listen to this, 'cause this concerns you. The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word... ”gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence.”
Yes, cool almost seems like an understatement. Ice cold bitch would probably be more appropriate.
Honourable mentions: Morpheus from The Matrix trilogy, Miho from Sin City, Brendan from Brick, Frozone from The Incredibles, Big Daddy from Kick-Ass, Lt. Aldo Raine from Inglorious Basterds, Mickey from Snatch, Lisbeth Salander from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Legolas from The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, Jack Sparrow from The Pirates Of The Carribean trilogy, Mr. Fox from Fantastic Mr. Fox.
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