Videodrone

My online video reviews are back, I know, you must have been clawing at the sides of your head without them. So relax, step away from the ledge and click here for my brief, technologically redundant and visually boring run down on the Oscars. Heaven forbid our video editor should paste a trailer over my one minute rant or, shock horror, use cameras that actually work. In other news, here’s a picture of a Great White Shark air-eating a seal because:
a) it’s more visually stimulating than my video
b) Great White Shark’s are Mother Nature’s version of Danny Trejo

(Above) "Machete don't text"

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Paper Machete

You can file this under strictly rumour for the time being, however, there have been some exciting 'leaks' regarding the cast for Robert Rodriguez’s Machete. For those of you playing at home, Machete is the latest project from Movie Mazzupial’s favouritist director in all the land and is an expansion of a faux trailer Rodriguez created to play at the start of Grindhouse. Like the spoof trailer, the feature film adaptation will pay homage to exploitation films of the 60s and 70s, probably in a similar fashion to the awesome Black Dynamite reviewed below. Rodriguez originally came up with the idea whilst filming Desperado and wanting to create a Mexican Jean-Claude Van Damme. It has taken until now to get the idea off the ground and into production, with there being no shortage of hype surrounding the project. The latest and most reliable tid-bit comes from a Bloody-Disgusting.com contributor who revealed the four main cast members as being *drum roll please*:
Danny Trejo

Okay, so I started with the biggest unsurprise ever as its common knowledge (to all with a cranium) that Trejo is taking up the title roll of Machete. A Rodriguez regular, the character and film were created around Trejo and his signature, erm, charm.
Michelle Rodriguez

Robert’s twin sister Michelle is said to be playing the character of Luz. I should point out here the above is a lie and despite the last name, the action-babe is in no way related to Mr Rodriguez . . .that we know of.
Jonah Hill Everyone’s favourite Seth Rogen doppelganger is tipped for the role of Julio.
Robert De Niro

To conclude the cast gossip with a bang, the legend De Niro will star as Senator McLaughlin in the film which, in my humble opinion, is quite unlike anything he has done before. Ballsy.

So, if the above cast info turns out to be true – what an amazing ensemble! All very different actors with very different backgrounds, this should make for an exciting collaboration. Speaking of collaborations, Rodriguez will be co-directing the picture with Ethan Maniquis who has worked with Rod-man as editor on a bunch of his past films (Planet Terror, Sin City and the upcoming Shorts). Machete has a release date for sometime in 2010 but for those wanting a taste of what to expect I suggest you watch the spoof trailer (below) where it all began.

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Sin Cities (plural)

Is it Christmas already? No, we're still in November. Then how can all my dreams be coming true? The dreams that exclude Mark Wahlberg from proposing to me that is . . . .

Anyway, the god of awesome has totally smiled upon me due to the news Robert Rodriguez is writing and directing two more Sin City films. TWO! For those of you born in the last six seconds, Rodriguez is just my FAVOURITE DIRECTOR EVER! Needless to say Sin City is also one of my favourite films and it went on to revolutionize the way movies are shot. Films like 300, Speed Racer and The Spirit are a few who have taken a lot from Sin City.If you don't know what Sin City is about you don't deserve to live. Okay, a little harsh maybe but it's that brilliant everyone should know. Adapted from a graphic novel written and drawn by the legendary Frank Miller, Sin City tells multiple stories of the inhabitants of Basin City - a dark, dangerous, neo-noir town. Miller directed, wrote and produced the original along with Rodriguez. Rodriguez's BFF Quentin Tarantino also guest-directed a scene or three. Although Sin City isn't scheduled to be released until 2010, a cast of colossal calibre has signed on for the sequel. The following is a brief list;

Clive Owen is Dwight McCarthy --from original
Mickey Rourke is Marv --from original
Jessica Alba is Nancy Callahan --from original
Rosario Dawson is Gail --from original
Rose McGowan is Ava Lord (rumoured)
Michael Clarke Duncan is Manute --from original
Jamie King is Goldie/ Wendy --from original
Brittany Murphy is Shellie --from original
Antonio Banderas is ??? (rumoured)
Devon Aoki is Miho --from original
Danny Trejo is ??? (rumoured)
Powers Boothe is Senator Roark--from original

As you can see most of the surviving characters from the original Sin City are reprising their roles as well as appearances from Rodriguez regulars Danny Trejo, Antonio Banderas and the smokin Rose McGowan. The plot follows one of the later graphic novels and delves further in to the past of Dwight and Marv as well as the present of the other characters. Rodriguez is commonly known as the `one man film crew' because of how he has a hand in all aspects of the film making process. Just as he did in Sin City he will be behind the cinematography, directing, producing, editing, writing and the music for Sin City 2. What a legend. Seriously.

If the above news isn't enough to get your juices going, Miller and Rodriguez are all aboard for Sin City 3 which is scheduled for release in 2011. This film will be based around the story of an ex-Navy SEAL named Wallace who saves a young woman, Esther, from killing herself. After a night on the town, she's kidnapped by mysterious people and so on and so forth. Johnny Depp is rumoured to have already signed on to play Wallace but no other cast details have come to light.

Santa is awesome.

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