Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloeeeeee

So, as you know I’ve entered the Blockbuster Supper Blogger competiton where, if I win and you click HERE, I get sent to cover the Cannes Film Festival. I know, awesome, right? Anywho, you may remember our assignment last week was to watch and review Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps which I did via poem. This week we had to watch and review sexual thriller Chloe. I fully intended to do a conventional review this week until . . .I realised Chloe rhymes with Jolene. Perfectly. C’mon, with a set-up like that, how can I NOT review Chloe via a reworking of the Dolly Party classic? The adultery themes in both are just too perfectly suited! Anyway, I promise next assignment I will not a) write a poem review b) write a song review or c) make any rhyming jokes. In the meantime, enjoy :o)

Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe
I’m begging of you please don't take my man
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe
Please don't take him just because I said you can

Your beauty is beyond compare
With golden locks of fine, blonde hair
With ivory skin and eyes blue like the sea
I’m questioning my wedding ring
See if you can get to my husband’s ding
I need to justify my fears of adultery

He missed his party, his lies are deep
A picture on his phone made me weep
It’s a shame your services don’t come cheap, Chloe

And I can easily understand
How he would stray from his hand
I’ve aged and not as youthful as you, Chloe

Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe
I’m begging of you please don't take my man
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe
Please don't take him just because I said you can

But I’ve realised you're not into men
Even though your bat-shit crazy and
You throw yourself out of a window in the end, Chloe

I tried to have this talk with you
But you shagged my son Michael too
Seems there’s no one you won’t do, Chloe

Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe
I’m begging of you please don't take my man
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, Chloe
Please don't take him even though you mad
Chloe, Chloe

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Suicide by poison is the better option

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? If he has any sense he will be running away from this movie as fast as he can. Letters To Juliet is the second letter-themed movie Amanda Seyfried has starred in this year after Dear John and it is a testament to its badness to say it is considerably worse than the latter.

It follows Sophie and her fiancée Victor (Gael García Bernal) who travel to the city of Verona, home of the star-crossed lover Juliet Capulet of Romeo and Juliet fame.Sick of being ignored by her fiancee as he runs around trying find suppliers for his restaurant, Sophie joins a group of volunteers who respond to letters written to Juliet seeking advice about love. After answering one letter dated 1951, she inspires its author Claire (Vanessa Redgrave) to travel to Italy in search of her long-lost love, with her uptight grandson Charlie along for the ride (played by former Home & Away star Chris Egan).
At first Sophie and Charlie clash over such deep character flaws as her use of phrases like `awesome' and `oh my god' and his, well, Britishness. Yet after a few days in the car together on the hunt for Claire's Romeo, they begin to fall for each other. But can Sophie follow her own advice on love as easily as she can dish it out? After 10 minutes of this ill-conceived dud you won't care about the answer.

Director Gary Winick comes from a long line of romantic comedies such as Bride Wars and Suddenly 30, but he seems to care more about the Italian sunshine filtering through Seyfried's hair than the quality of this film. The jokes are harder to spot than Egan's acting ability and it seems his terrible performance in last year's Crush was not a one off. This could have been a big move for him, the next forward step into a Hollywood career after notable turns in Resident Evil: Extinction and short lived series Kings. But he is simply terrible as Charlie. Even teen fans will be hard pressed to overlook his awkwardness, despite a shirtless scene.
The usual talents of Seyfried and Redgrave as leading ladies are dwindled down to a few meaningful looks here and there, but for the most part they are merely players in this woeful story. Throw in kissing couples played over the opening credits and lines like "I didn't know that true love had an expiration date'' and you will quickly find yourself reaching for a bucket.

Lovers of sickly sweet romances might have been able to overlook all of the above if there were at least two charismatic leads. However, there is absolutely no chemistry between Seyfried and Egan, and even the older lovers manage to generate more heat (which is disturbing on many levels). Letters To Juliet assumes that its audience will flock to see any version of Hollywood romance no matter how stupid and pathetic it is. Hopefully, this is not the case.

Ahoy there to the Razzie committee, I think we have an awards frontrunner.

Letters To Juliet opens in cinemas this Thursday.

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Ain't no body

I know, I know. Just because I finally worked out how to post whole clips from YouTube straight to my blog, that doesn't mean I need to saturate you all with videos.
That said, I just came across the wicked trailer for Jennifer's Body.
I've been hanging out for this comedy-horror for quite a while . . . .mainly because it's the second film written by stripper turned wordsmith Diablo Cody. Cody had her first major hit with Juno which nabbed her the best original screenplay Oscar back in `08.
Unlike her uber-successful debut, Jennifer's Body is a tad darker and (from watching the trailer) I'd say a whole lot similar to personal fav Idle Hands. There's also a strong hint of the Canadian film Ginger Snaps which had a similar plot if you trade werewolf for demon. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone `adaptated' the horror franchise and gave it a mainstream makeover.
Jennifer's Body stars Amanda Seyfried as a dorky highschooler who has to try and stop a cheerleader (Megan Fox) who is possessed by a demon and killing her male classmates. Sounds like a rad concept if you ask me but you can make your own mind up by watching the trailer below.

Thoughts???
In a completely un-movie-related comment I applaud the use of Cherry Bomb from The Runaways as backing music. They're one of my favourite bands ever and the song is utilised perfectly. Jennifer's Body has a clever release date of October 29 in Australia, right on Halloween (my favourite holiday).

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Awesomeness comes from Mars

I HAVE JUST HEARD POSSIBLY THE BEST NEWS EVER!

Forget a vaccine for cervical cancer, the news I just heard is 1,000 times better! In fact, I'm 8,000 times more excited than when I first heard Twilight was being adapted in to a movie. Alright, prepare yourselves . . .

A VERONICA MARS MOVIE IS ON THE WAY!

Above: The cast of Veronica Mars

That's right, my second favourite show OF ALL TIME is coming to the big screen and I'm about to spontaneously self-combust in excitement. Besides Buffy The Vampire Slayer there's no other television series I have come to love more than this noir action drama based around the life of amateur sleuth Veronica Mars. The television series was first created in 2004 by Rob Thomas (NOT the douche from Matchbox 20, they just happen to have the same name) and starred the delightful Kristen Bell as Veronica. The first season fellows her as she tries to solve the murder of her best friend Lily Kane as well as working part time at her fathers private detective agency and solving mysteries for her class mates. The show was a critical hit with everyone from Stephen King and Buffy creator Joss Whedon publically applauding the inventiveness and sheer brilliance of the show. Although Veronica Mars consistently came last in its prime time slot (against shows like Desperate Housewives etc) it gained a huge cult following which saw it in to a second series. The second series followed Veronica in her senior year as she tried to solve the mystery of a tragic bus accident which killed several classmates. A third season was moved to a later time slot and followed Veronica and friends at college. A few episodes out from the season three finale the show was canceled and fans were in uproar at how Veronica Mars was cut to an abrupt end without resolving some of the major storylines. Petitions were written, protests were held and nothing was achieved except Thomas making a season four pilot where Veronica was working at the FBI. The pilot had a huge response but the show was not refinanced for another season. The actors and executives went on to other projects. Kristen Bell went on to star in Heroes and films such as Pulse, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Fan Boys. Amanda Seyfried went on to star in Big Love and scored the major role in Mammia Mia. The other actors pursued various projects and Rob Thomas concentrated his efforts on other tv series and films. There was always talk of a Veronica Mars film which would tie up loose ends from the series but the major players were always too busy.

NOW THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

In an interview with If Magazine Rob Thomas confirmed that he is currently writing the Veronica Mars movie and that he considers it his next project. He went on to say:

"But my writing the movie is half the battle. Someone else has to pay for it. Joel Silver (producer) does have a certain pile of money. He called on me saying 'Can we do this now?' Kristen [Bell] wants to do it. Joel wants to do it and I want to do it. For me, that's the next project."

On the storyline, the 43-year-old confessed that he's been struggling to figure out one crucial point on the plot

"...it's 70 percent broken in my head. I've been struggling with this one plot point and I'm hopeful to figure that out. I watched the final episode of the series a few weeks ago and there were a lot of gaps and the plotting for the original came to me. I mean for the movie, I'm feeling like I'm on the right track now. But I don't want to give that away yet. The one thing that I will say is where it will pick up. I know we did that F.B.I. 'what if' thing, but we would not go to that place. I think it would open just days before the Hearst College Graduation. So Veronica would be sort of at the end of her college career."

How excitement!!!!!!! Ahhhh I can't wait to see all my favourite characters back! Particularly Dick, Wallace, Weevil, Logan, Keith, Mac, Piz, Parker and who knows? Maybe Duncan will have a cameo! I seriously can't wait! Stay tuned for every tiny Veronica Mars movie update because I will be all over it like white on rice.

Above: Kristen Bell as Veronica Mars

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