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EXCLUSIVE Megan Fox nude video!

If you're the kind of person who is reading this post soley because of that headline, then you deserve to be disappointed. Sorely disappointed.

As shamelessly self-promoted in the article below, I have begun doing online video reviews of the latest movies for the Gold Coast Bulletin's, the paper I work for, moderately interactive website. Anywho, to bide time until I finish transcribing my hours, literally hours, of Tim Burton interviews. . .I suggest, nay, BEG you click on THIS link and watch my video.

Sure, you won't see Megan Fox's baby-maker sticking out of a pair of hot pants, but if you still feel unfulfilled then just go and rent Transformers 2 instead. That's all the mind-fuckery one will ever need.

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And the Razzie nominations for 2010 are...

In the lead up to the Oscar nominations (ohhh excitement!) in a few hours I thought I’d recap the list of nominees for the just as enjoyable Razzie awards. For those of you who have been abducted and living in a basement for the past…ever, the Razzie’s celebrate the worst of the worst Hollywood films and actors. So, basically everything Michael Bay has ever done.

A full list of nominees is below, but let me just point out this year’s field is led deservedly by the Jonas Brothers; the three worst things to happen music and movies combined. Seriously, on screen they are like three squirming Elvis’ in Fun In Acapulco…not a good thing.

WORST PICTURE OF 2009
"All About Steve"
"G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"
"Land of the Lost"
"Old Dogs""
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

WORST ACTOR OF 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers, "Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience"
Will Ferrell, "Land of the Lost"
Steve Martin, "Pink Panther 2"
Eddie Murphy, "Imagine That"
John Travolta, "Old Dogs"

WORST ACTRESS Of 2009
Beyonce, "Obsessed"
Sandra Bullock, "All About Steve"
Miley Cyrus, "Hannah Montana: The Movie"
Megan Fox, "Jennifer’s Body" and "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"
Sarah Jessica Parker, "Did You Hear About the Morgans?"

WORST SCREEN COUPLE OF 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers, "The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience"
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper, "All About Steve"
Will Ferrell and any co-star, Creature or "Comic Riff," "Land of the Lost"
Shia Lebouf & Either Megan Fox or Any Transformer, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"
Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner, "Twilight Saga: New Moon"

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2009
Candice Bergen, "Bride Wars"
Ali Larter, "Obsessed"
Sienna Miller, "G.I. Joe"
Kelly Preston,"Old Dogs"
Julie White (as Mom), "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus, "Hannah Montana: The Movie"
Hugh Hefner (as himself), "Miss March"
Robert Pattinson, "Twilight Saga: New Moon"
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka), "Land of the Lost"
Marlon Wayans, "G.I. Joe"

WORST PICTURE OF THE DECADE
"Battlefield Earth" (2000)
"Freddy Got Fingered" (2001)
"Gigli" (2003)
"I Know Who Killed Me" (2007)
"Swept Away" (2002)

WORST ACTOR OF THE DECADE
Ben Affleck - "Daredevil," "Gigli," "Jersey Girl," "Paycheck," "Pearl Harbor," "Surviving Christmas"
Eddie Murphy - "Adventures of Pluto Nash," "I Spy," "Imagine That," "Meet Dave," "Norbit," "Showtime"
Mike Myers - "Cat in the Hat," "The Love Guru"
Rob Schneider - "The Animal," "Benchwarmers," "Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo," "Grandma's Boy," "The Hot Chick," "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry," "Little Man," "Little Nicky"
John Travolta - "Battlefield Earth," "Domestic Disturbance," "Lucky Numbers," "Old Dogs," "Swordfish"

WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE
Mariah Carey – "Glitter"
Paris Hilton - "The Hottie & The Nottie," "House of Whacks," "Repo: The Genetic Opera"

Lindsay Lohan - "Herbie Fully Loaded," "I Know Who Killed Me," "Just My Luck"
Jennifer Lopez - "Angel Eyes," "Enough," "Gigli," "Jersey Girl," "Maid in Manhattan," "Monster-in-Law," "The Wedding Planner"
Madonna - "Die Another Day," "The Next Best Thing," "Swept Away"

The Razzie award winners are announced on March 6, the eve of the Oscars.

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Ain't no body

I know, I know. Just because I finally worked out how to post whole clips from YouTube straight to my blog, that doesn't mean I need to saturate you all with videos.
That said, I just came across the wicked trailer for Jennifer's Body.
I've been hanging out for this comedy-horror for quite a while . . . .mainly because it's the second film written by stripper turned wordsmith Diablo Cody. Cody had her first major hit with Juno which nabbed her the best original screenplay Oscar back in `08.
Unlike her uber-successful debut, Jennifer's Body is a tad darker and (from watching the trailer) I'd say a whole lot similar to personal fav Idle Hands. There's also a strong hint of the Canadian film Ginger Snaps which had a similar plot if you trade werewolf for demon. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone `adaptated' the horror franchise and gave it a mainstream makeover.
Jennifer's Body stars Amanda Seyfried as a dorky highschooler who has to try and stop a cheerleader (Megan Fox) who is possessed by a demon and killing her male classmates. Sounds like a rad concept if you ask me but you can make your own mind up by watching the trailer below.

Thoughts???
In a completely un-movie-related comment I applaud the use of Cherry Bomb from The Runaways as backing music. They're one of my favourite bands ever and the song is utilised perfectly. Jennifer's Body has a clever release date of October 29 in Australia, right on Halloween (my favourite holiday).

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Revenge of the ballin'

I should start this with a disclaimer: I’m not particularly fond of director Michael Bay. Unlike majority of his audience I’ve never found his drawn-out, explosion-ridden films enjoyable and most of his lead characters feel like an affront to the human race. When I knew I would have to sit through his latest project, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I had to make a conscious effort to keep an open mind. Yes, people thought I was slightly crazy as I sat down in the cinema muttering to myself “just keep an open mind”. But this process was going well until the opening credits started and the first of many unnecessary explosions began.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the sequel to 2007s uber successful Transformers and takes up where the first one left off. After saving the world, befriending an alien race and getting the girl of his dreams Sam Witwicky (LeBeouf) is off to college and determined to be a `normal guy’. Needless to say the universe has other plans for him. The evil Decepticon robots return to Earth to destroy Sam after he learns the origins of the Transformers. Luckily for Sam he happens to be BFF’s with the good robots, the Autobots led by Optimus Prime, who have formed an alliance with America’s military forces.

However, you don’t need to know any of this because like all Bay films the plot is about as necessary as a Paris Hilton album. The remainder of the movie follows Sam and friends across what the military commander describes as “some random Egyptian desert” in a bid to find the key to destroying the universe before the Decepticons get it. Given the average person goes down at least three IQ points after watching Bay movies, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen still asks viewers to throw a lot more than caution and logic to the wind. For example, for supposedly superior beings it’s laughable the ancient Transformers went for the ol’ hide-the-key-to-destroying-the-universe-behind-a-painting trick. Alas, Bay expects you to go along with this and many other plot shortcomings.

Fans of the first Transformers movie are likely to be disappointed with this effort. Sure, the effects which bring the robots to life are still amazing but what’s really missing is the human element. What made Transformers enjoyable was the talent and quirks of actors like LeBeouf and John Turturro. In the sequel, the actors have little room to move and it feels as if Bay has begrudgingly thrown in the human characters as a segue way between action sequences.

Composer Steve Jablonsky once again delivers a truly suspenseful score for the movie and there are moments when it’s best to close your eyes and just enjoy the brilliance of his work. He has composed on several of Bay’s previous films and here he manages to create the perfect musical balance between adventure and danger. His new music fits ideally into the background of the film and once again Jablonsky proves himself to be one of the most creative and original composers around. Bay, on the other hand, tends to follow formula and regurgitate ideas that work.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen seeps with unoriginal ideas `borrowed’ from a range of earlier and better films. James Cameron must be asking for royalties for a scene practically ripped straight from Aliens where the key baddie, the Fallen, resides in an outer space lair complete with baby Decepticons dangling in embryonic sacks around him. It bares such an uncanny resemblance to the Queen alien, I was sure Sigourney Weaver was going to burst in at any moment and snarl "get away from her you bitch". This is not to mention several effects shots almost identical to those in X-Men 2 and the Mufasa-esque voice of Optimus Prime.

Even the most loyal Bay fans must have been questioning the sanity of their beloved director after a scene in, wait for it, robot heaven. Yes, he really has outdone himself this time and the Bayhem has been raised to an all time high. It’s as if he has made a conscious effort to provide Matt Stone and Trey Parker with as much source material for a Team America sequel as possible.

Did I mention the movie duration? I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was married with children by the time this fiasco finally wrapped up. To pass the three and a bit hours I counted the number of people who walked out of the opening night screening. There were four.

It’s no wonder, as this has to be by far the most ludicrous of all Bay films (which is saying a lot considering this is the guy who made Pearl Harbour and Armageddon). There is no semblance of plot throughout the entire movie. Instead of a beginning, middle and end, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is comprised of three main ingredients; explosions, slow motion shots of military equipment and Transformers doing what they do best – transforming.

The lead characters, many of them continuing over from the first film, adhere to all the clichés. The military unit in particular nearly implodes from cliché overload. You have the token Caucasian soldier with his roguish good looks, the token black soldier who belts out phrases like “whoop ass” as often as he loads his gun and there’s the token British soldier whose sole purpose in the film is to predict impending doom.

Yet it’s Bay’s female characters who leave the nasty aftertaste. At the fore you have Megan Fox playing the token hot chick who, on top of pouting and disrobing on queue, also wisely purrs the line “all girls like dangerous guys”. Once you throw in a college full of women who dress and act like they’re in a non-stop Nelly video and Sam’s idiot of a mother, you get the feeling this is a director who has contempt for the opposite sex. In fact, there isn’t one female character in the film who isn’t in some way offensive. It seems Bay is betting on his audience wanting their women to be like his movies; dumb and eye catching, with nothing under the exterior.

Consensus? Long enough to make Titanic feel like a short-film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen delivers on the explosions and robots but lacks suspense and originality.

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Crazy in Lycra

If Beyonce thought she was crazy in love, then wait till she sees herself in star studded blue, red and gold Lycra! Did I mention she carries a lasso? A lasso of truth no less. Yes, I’m sorry to bore you with more comic book to movie adaptations but this one was just too good to leave out. Beyonce told interviewers in Los Angeles that she has met with both DC Comics and Warner Bros to discuss staring as the Amazon princess in an up and coming feature film based on the comic series. For those of you scratching your heads going “huh? I thought Megan Gale was Wonder Woman?” let me explain. Yes Aussie super model Megan Gale has been cast as Wonder Woman but that’s in a separate film adaptation of the Justice League America comics due for release in 2010. Megan’s must have a thing for Wonder Woman as earlier this year the Internet was buzzing with news that Megan Fox was earmarked for the lead role but thankfully Beyonce has now taking over as the front runner for the starring role. Megan Fox was a stupid suggestion as no one could ever believe that chick could be a super hero, a toddler could snap her like a twig she’s so anor. At least Beyonce and Megan Gale have some meat on them and with a bit of gym work could muscle-up for the part. Hmmm . . . but I’m not sure about Beyonce as Wonder Woman. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly think she’s up for the job and has the charisma and attitude to pull off the role. Plus I think it’s great casting agents are willing the see past the obvious race differences and choose someone who has the substance to fit the character and not necessarily the physical resemblance (i.e. Megan Gale). My uncertainty is the quality of this film. No details on director or script writer have come to light yet but it’s no secret this production has been plagued with problems for years. An attempt to bring Wonder Woman to the big screen began in the early nineties but fell through due to lack of financial support. The project got a reboot in the early 2000s and Jennifer Aniston was signed on to play the lead. However, that also fell through. So fingers crossed they can get it right this time with bootylicious Beyonce on board. No doubt she will be `total hotness’ in the infamous Wonder Woman ensemble.

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