The 12 Best Prison Movies

I love my lists, but I've got to be honest and admit I didn't come up with the idea for this one. Instead, full kudos go to the team at Blockbuster video whose Assignment 6 in the Blockbuster Super Blogger competition loosely eluded to this idea. For those of you playing at home, I'm an entrant in the Blockbuster Super Blogger competition where two winners score a trip to the Cannes International Film Festival to report on the event. Awesome, right? To help send me to Cannes, all you have to do is click on my page and give me hits. So click, click, click puh-lease. Moving on, here's my pick of the 12 best communal soap films (aka prison movies).

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)Why not start with arguably the best? Based on Stephen King’s short story, this is cinematic storytelling at its finest. There’s not much I can say about The Shawshank Redemption that hasn’t already been said. Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are unforgettable, almost equally as memorable as one of film’s greatest scenes – Andy standing free and liberated in the pouring rain. Magic.

Chicago (2002)

A sexy prison movie? If you be good to Rob Marshall, Rob Marshall will be good to you by rewarding audiences with an exciting and lush version of one of Broadway’s biggest hits. From the flawless casting and performances, to the on-the-money editing and musical numbers, this goes down as one of Hollywood’s best musicals and, coincidentally, prison movies.

The Great Escape (1963)

Steve McQueen once again proved he’s King in this Oscar-nominated tale of allied Prisoners Of War who plan a mass escape from a German camp during World War II. This real life account never gained the respect it deserved until years after its release, but thankfully, it’s now recognised as the classic it is.

The Green Mile (1999)

Random fact, but did you know Stephen King is the author with the most amount of works adapted for the big screen? Unfortunately, most of them are pretty darn terrible. The Green Mile is definitely not one of those. After the huge success of King’s prison tale in The Shawshank Redemption, director Frank Darabont returned for this spectacular supernatural epic set on death row. Tom Hanks and co-stars give incredible performances as guards affected by the presence of a convicted child murderer (Michael Clarke Duncan in his breakout role). Emotional, magical and moving, this retains much of Shawshank’s grandiosity – spanning years and lives. It’s important to note Movie Mazz favourite Sam Rockwell in scene stealing role as the despicable `Wild Bill’ Wharton.

Dead Man Walking (1995)This was the second of two stellar prison movies involving Tim Robbins released over a two year period, with everyone’s favourite strawberry blonde behind the camera as director, producer and writer his time. Based on Sister Helen Prejean’s book of the same name, Susan Sarandon plays the nun who becomes the unlikely friend to a convicted killer on death row (Sean Penn) and the victims’ families. An intelligent, eye-opening look at the death penalty, Sarandon won the best actress Oscar for her turn as the sassy and compassionate Prejean. In a testament to how deluded the Academy is, Penn lost out to Tom Hanks as a doofus in Forrest Gump.

Conviction (2010)

Sam Rockwell is back in jail in this under seen story about a single mother (Hilary Swank) who gets her highschool certificate then goes off to college and finally law school to become an attorney and free her brother (Rockwell) who was wrongly convicted of murder. Like a handful of films on this list, Conviction is based on an incredible true story and director Tony Goldwyn breathes life into this testament to love and loyalty. Swank and Rockwell carry the film with their powerhouse performances, with the supporting cast in Minnie Driver, Juliette Lewis and Melissa Leo rounding out an great ensemble acting triumph.

The Hurricane (1999)

He was a man the authorities came to blame, for somethin’ that he never done and it’s the Oscar Denzel Washington should have won. Instead, they gave him the compensation prize the following year, but there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that his staggering performance as an angry, talented and inspirational boxer; Rubin `Hurricane’ Carter should have been the real winner. Veteran filmmaker Norman Jewison is at his experienced best in this layered, powerful and ultimately heart-warming movie about a wrongly convicted man.

Stone (2010)

Edward. Norton. Has. Cornrows. If you need another reason to see this movie, then you clearly didn’t understand the full scope of that last statement – Edward. Norton. Has. Cornrows. He also delivers a fantastic turn as another manipulative psycho in John Curran’s Stone. Norton is a convicted arsonist who looks to manipulate a parole officer (Robert DeNiro) by placing his beautiful wife (Milla Jovovich) in the lawman's path to secure his parole. It’s a complex, twisted tale and looks at prison life through the perspective of three very different people affected in three very different ways.

Alien 3 (1992)

The only film on this list which features aliens and Sigourney Weaver-awesomeness. A very different film from the first two, both tonally and literally, Alien 3 comes from the demented mind of David Fincher. Many have criticised this industrialised take on the sci-fi series, but I say you can’t knock any flick brave enough to put girl-power icon Ripley in an all-male prison AND pull it off.

Rescue Dawn (2006)

Possibly the two bat-shit craziest people in Hollywood – Werner Herzog and Christian Bale – team-up for this account of a US Fighter pilot's epic struggle of survival after being shot down on a mission over Laos during the Vietnam War. Bale once again drops about four small children’s worth of weight and completely immerses himself in a character who’s biggest enemy is the harsh environment keeping him prisoner.

The Longest Yard (1974)

This con-comedy proves the original is often the best with Burt Reynolds starring as a former pro quarterback, now serving time in his prison, asked to put together a team of inmates to take on the guards. Gen Y’ers probably saw the Adam Sandler remake with Nelly, Chris Rock and Reynolds in a supporting role. The rest of us probably wish we hadn’t.

The Rock (1996)This is the only Michael Bay film I like. Period. As a general rule I tend to hate Bayhem – kill me if I think films need more than explosions and penis metaphors – but I actually enjoyed this. From Nic Cage doing his good guy-in-a-bad-situation shtick to the overly dramatic action scenes, this is a guilty popcorn pleasure. Sean Connery is also pretty awesome as a gnarly Scottish super-con. The Rock is the film that really kick-started Cage’s 90s action movie reign (which seems about implausible as the biological weapons in the film) given his reputation as a hardcore method and character actor.

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Got your number

It’s a shame I Am Number Four has been promoted as a supernatural romance reminiscent of Twilight, but with Aryan poster children Alex Pettyfer and Dianna Agron (above) as the teenage lovers. Really, it’s more of an action blockbuster in a similar vein to the hits of Michael Bay, who serves as producer.

It follows John Smith (Pettyfer) who tries to pass himself off as an ordinary teenager but in reality, is actually one of only nine aliens who escaped the planet Lorien when the evil Mogadorians invaded and went Hitler on their race. John and his guardian Henri (Timothy Olyphant) have spent their lives on the run, trying to elude the Mogadorians who have tracked the refugees to Earth and are killing them off in sequence. The latest town they roll into is Paradise, Ohio.

Henri begs John to keep a low profile as it's vital they don’t repeat a recent incident where his leg inconveniently lit up like a light night at a beach party. John says “I know how to blend in” and demonstrates his master-of-disguise prowess by chucking on a hoddie and enrolling in the local high school. There he meets Sarah (Agron), a cheerleader turned photographer, and sparks fly. Literally, as John’s powers are developing rapidly and between his hands turning into spotlights in class and making street lamps explode, he’s having a hard time staying under the radar. Which is why the high school’s resident nerd and UFO theorist Sam (Callan McAuliffe) catches on to John’s secret and after a big reveal, the pair become allies. Just in time too, as a horde of Mogadorians arrive in town in pursuit of John.Directed by D.J. Caruso (Disturbia, Eagle Eye, Taking Lives), I Am Number Four is what it is; an alien action blockbuster with romance at its core. Kind of like E.T, minus the bicycles.

The film is based on a popular science fiction novel published in 2010, with DreamWorks Pictures buying the film rights a year earlier based on the manuscript. Buffy scribe and producer Marti Noxon has adapted for the big screen, along with Smallville helmers Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, and the trio do a fine job off crafting a steady building film for their target audience. They know their strong points and whenever the story gets a tad too romantic or slow, they counteract it quickly with action and special effects. Considering this is a Michael Bay produced film, you know the effects are going to be top notch. Thankfully the nonsensical elements of Bayhem productions are mostly absent, with the exception of the entire cast being good-looking and Caucasian. A brunette or multi-racial cast member in I Am Number Four is harder to find than Charlie Sheen’s sobriety.

Plus, as filmmakers Bay and Caruso are about as subtle as unobtainium. For instance, Aussie rising star Teresa Palmer gives a scene-stealing turn as fellow alien number six who, instead of sitting around and waiting to be killed, is actually a kick-ass warrior. She comes in at a crucial moment to help John and his buddies escape the Mogadorians and gets the best line in the film; “Red Bull is for pussies.” But to really drive the point home, she dresses in leather, wears studded gloves and drives a red motorbike. Okay, we get it, she’s sexy and badass. Ease up on the overt symbolism.Performance wise Pettyfer continues his role as the latest action boy template; he slots nicely into any big budget flick but never leaves an impression. Agron is memorable, but her monotone voice is more irritable than it usually is on Glee. There are some genuinely awesome sci-fi moments, mainly thanks to the original looking Mogadorians and their horrific pet creatures. With tattooed scalps, gills where cheeks should be, fangs and a looming 7ft-plus physique, they’re creepy enough as it is. Yet their manner and interaction add an extra `eek’ factor. Their hunter creatures too are fantastically freaky and obviously the result of a dozen dinosaurs and a Predator thrown into the blender. It also packs a clever original score from Trevor Rabin, which helps build tension, and is complemented by a too-cool-for-school soundtrack from the likes of Beck, The Black Keys, Kings Of Leon, Adele and The Temper Trap.

I Am Number Four sets up a sequel perfectly and, depending on box-office results, you can count on there being at least another two films (the author has six novels planned). It’s essentially an inter-species love story, complete with action, suspense and, unlike the Twilight Saga, it actually delivers on its promise of M-rated gore. Sure, this isn’t a film that’s going to change the world. But it’s a sufficiently entertaining meal for the multiplexes. I Am Number Four opens in cinemas on Thursday, February 24.

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Revenge of the ballin'

I should start this with a disclaimer: I’m not particularly fond of director Michael Bay. Unlike majority of his audience I’ve never found his drawn-out, explosion-ridden films enjoyable and most of his lead characters feel like an affront to the human race. When I knew I would have to sit through his latest project, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I had to make a conscious effort to keep an open mind. Yes, people thought I was slightly crazy as I sat down in the cinema muttering to myself “just keep an open mind”. But this process was going well until the opening credits started and the first of many unnecessary explosions began.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the sequel to 2007s uber successful Transformers and takes up where the first one left off. After saving the world, befriending an alien race and getting the girl of his dreams Sam Witwicky (LeBeouf) is off to college and determined to be a `normal guy’. Needless to say the universe has other plans for him. The evil Decepticon robots return to Earth to destroy Sam after he learns the origins of the Transformers. Luckily for Sam he happens to be BFF’s with the good robots, the Autobots led by Optimus Prime, who have formed an alliance with America’s military forces.

However, you don’t need to know any of this because like all Bay films the plot is about as necessary as a Paris Hilton album. The remainder of the movie follows Sam and friends across what the military commander describes as “some random Egyptian desert” in a bid to find the key to destroying the universe before the Decepticons get it. Given the average person goes down at least three IQ points after watching Bay movies, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen still asks viewers to throw a lot more than caution and logic to the wind. For example, for supposedly superior beings it’s laughable the ancient Transformers went for the ol’ hide-the-key-to-destroying-the-universe-behind-a-painting trick. Alas, Bay expects you to go along with this and many other plot shortcomings.

Fans of the first Transformers movie are likely to be disappointed with this effort. Sure, the effects which bring the robots to life are still amazing but what’s really missing is the human element. What made Transformers enjoyable was the talent and quirks of actors like LeBeouf and John Turturro. In the sequel, the actors have little room to move and it feels as if Bay has begrudgingly thrown in the human characters as a segue way between action sequences.

Composer Steve Jablonsky once again delivers a truly suspenseful score for the movie and there are moments when it’s best to close your eyes and just enjoy the brilliance of his work. He has composed on several of Bay’s previous films and here he manages to create the perfect musical balance between adventure and danger. His new music fits ideally into the background of the film and once again Jablonsky proves himself to be one of the most creative and original composers around. Bay, on the other hand, tends to follow formula and regurgitate ideas that work.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen seeps with unoriginal ideas `borrowed’ from a range of earlier and better films. James Cameron must be asking for royalties for a scene practically ripped straight from Aliens where the key baddie, the Fallen, resides in an outer space lair complete with baby Decepticons dangling in embryonic sacks around him. It bares such an uncanny resemblance to the Queen alien, I was sure Sigourney Weaver was going to burst in at any moment and snarl "get away from her you bitch". This is not to mention several effects shots almost identical to those in X-Men 2 and the Mufasa-esque voice of Optimus Prime.

Even the most loyal Bay fans must have been questioning the sanity of their beloved director after a scene in, wait for it, robot heaven. Yes, he really has outdone himself this time and the Bayhem has been raised to an all time high. It’s as if he has made a conscious effort to provide Matt Stone and Trey Parker with as much source material for a Team America sequel as possible.

Did I mention the movie duration? I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was married with children by the time this fiasco finally wrapped up. To pass the three and a bit hours I counted the number of people who walked out of the opening night screening. There were four.

It’s no wonder, as this has to be by far the most ludicrous of all Bay films (which is saying a lot considering this is the guy who made Pearl Harbour and Armageddon). There is no semblance of plot throughout the entire movie. Instead of a beginning, middle and end, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is comprised of three main ingredients; explosions, slow motion shots of military equipment and Transformers doing what they do best – transforming.

The lead characters, many of them continuing over from the first film, adhere to all the clichés. The military unit in particular nearly implodes from cliché overload. You have the token Caucasian soldier with his roguish good looks, the token black soldier who belts out phrases like “whoop ass” as often as he loads his gun and there’s the token British soldier whose sole purpose in the film is to predict impending doom.

Yet it’s Bay’s female characters who leave the nasty aftertaste. At the fore you have Megan Fox playing the token hot chick who, on top of pouting and disrobing on queue, also wisely purrs the line “all girls like dangerous guys”. Once you throw in a college full of women who dress and act like they’re in a non-stop Nelly video and Sam’s idiot of a mother, you get the feeling this is a director who has contempt for the opposite sex. In fact, there isn’t one female character in the film who isn’t in some way offensive. It seems Bay is betting on his audience wanting their women to be like his movies; dumb and eye catching, with nothing under the exterior.

Consensus? Long enough to make Titanic feel like a short-film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen delivers on the explosions and robots but lacks suspense and originality.

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Shameless product placement 101

At the moment I'm off work sick while the crazy men in white coats contemplate the future of my beloved tonsils. Hence, I thought I'd throw together a brief list of the worst product placement I have seen in movies recently. For those young grasshoppers who don't tune in to The Gruen Transfer regularly or know what product placement is, basically it's when an advertiser pays to have a product placed in a movie. Sometimes this is done discreetly or tactfully, other times the placement is as shameless as Britney Spears after two Bloody Mary's. Here are some of the worst:

Evolution (2001)

The plot of this movie is pretty basic; some aliens invade earth and a rag-tag group of academics have to find a way to stop them (in comedic fashion, of course). What kills the extra terrestrials you ask? The chemical selenium sulfide which is one of the key ingredients in Head & Shoulders anti-dandruff shampoo. After this revelation the rest of the movie is made up of the main characters gathering as much Head & Shoulders as they can and firing it at the aliens to, you guessed it, save the world. I feel the word shameless is a gross understatement here because when the crux of a movie is based around a particular product which ends up saving the day . . . well, shameless doesn't even begin to cover it.

Every Michael Bay film ever made

You don't need three guesses to work out where Bayhem gets the money for his special effects budget. Seriously, just watch any of his films ever and afterwards you'll be fighting the urge to buy buy buy. Standouts in his shameless product placement filmography would have to be Transformers and The Island.

Casino Royale (2006)

Bond films are known for their product placement and it has become an accepted part of the franchise, just like tuxedos and vadge. But the following lines of dialogue were too shameless to leave out. Note: clever product placement disguised as witty banter, oh really Mr Bond.

Vesper: Oh, you are? I like this poker thing. And that makes perfect sense! Since MI6 looks for maladjusted young men, who give little thought to sacrificing others in order to protect queen and country. You know... former SAS types with easy smiles and expensive watches.
[Glances at his wrist]
Vesper: Rolex?
James Bond: Omega.

Vesper: Beautiful.

Blade Trinity (2004)

One of the most ridiculous examples of shameless product placement ever, yes, even worse than Head & Shoulders being used to save the world. The third film from the Blade franchise basically plays like a two-hour ipod ad. There's actually an exchange where one character explains to Blade how a female vampire slayer likes to listen to her ipod when she hunts. Plus there's a scene where you see her putting together her `hunting playlist'. Forget being able to actually hear your enemies coming or making sure all your senses are focussed on the battle ahead, as long as you can listen to the Nine Inch Nails while slaying a few vamps, it's all good. Ridiculous.

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Transformers: More than meets the red, glowing eye

It’s no secret I disliked the Transformers movie and spent the entire film laughing my head off at the shameless product placement, shotty acting, over the top script, self indulgent special affects and utter Bayhem that was Michael Bay’s hugely successful creation. Yes, it cut me deep within my soul to know this trashtastic film made so much money and even spawned a generation of f-wits getting the Transformers logo tattooed on them. Seriously, the number of people I’ve seen with a Transformers tattoo freaks me out to no end. Being the box office smash that it was, several sequels are inevitable with the first, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, being released in Australia on June 25 this year. As much as I'd promised myself not to write any news on the Transformers sequel I have a friend who is hopelessly in love with the movies and all Bayhem related projects. So this post and image is for you and only you. Please note, I’m getting no enjoyment out of this. Empire Magazine online posted the first image from the up and coming Transformers sequel on their site yesterday.

The image has got quite a lot of hits which leaves me asking the question, why? The poster depicts the main baddy of the film (The Fallen) but all you can really tell about the Wall E related robot is he has two, red glowing eyes. Whoopdy freakin doo. I’m pretty sure I can create a better marketing poster in paint. And just to further push myself in to the good books online blogging site comingsoon.net has a rough image of Sideswipe, one of the new robots to be featured in Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Click here to check it out.

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