And the Razzie nominations for 2010 are...

In the lead up to the Oscar nominations (ohhh excitement!) in a few hours I thought I’d recap the list of nominees for the just as enjoyable Razzie awards. For those of you who have been abducted and living in a basement for the past…ever, the Razzie’s celebrate the worst of the worst Hollywood films and actors. So, basically everything Michael Bay has ever done.

A full list of nominees is below, but let me just point out this year’s field is led deservedly by the Jonas Brothers; the three worst things to happen music and movies combined. Seriously, on screen they are like three squirming Elvis’ in Fun In Acapulco…not a good thing.

WORST PICTURE OF 2009
"All About Steve"
"G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"
"Land of the Lost"
"Old Dogs""
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

WORST ACTOR OF 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers, "Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience"
Will Ferrell, "Land of the Lost"
Steve Martin, "Pink Panther 2"
Eddie Murphy, "Imagine That"
John Travolta, "Old Dogs"

WORST ACTRESS Of 2009
Beyonce, "Obsessed"
Sandra Bullock, "All About Steve"
Miley Cyrus, "Hannah Montana: The Movie"
Megan Fox, "Jennifer’s Body" and "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"
Sarah Jessica Parker, "Did You Hear About the Morgans?"

WORST SCREEN COUPLE OF 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers, "The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience"
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper, "All About Steve"
Will Ferrell and any co-star, Creature or "Comic Riff," "Land of the Lost"
Shia Lebouf & Either Megan Fox or Any Transformer, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"
Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner, "Twilight Saga: New Moon"

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2009
Candice Bergen, "Bride Wars"
Ali Larter, "Obsessed"
Sienna Miller, "G.I. Joe"
Kelly Preston,"Old Dogs"
Julie White (as Mom), "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus, "Hannah Montana: The Movie"
Hugh Hefner (as himself), "Miss March"
Robert Pattinson, "Twilight Saga: New Moon"
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka), "Land of the Lost"
Marlon Wayans, "G.I. Joe"

WORST PICTURE OF THE DECADE
"Battlefield Earth" (2000)
"Freddy Got Fingered" (2001)
"Gigli" (2003)
"I Know Who Killed Me" (2007)
"Swept Away" (2002)

WORST ACTOR OF THE DECADE
Ben Affleck - "Daredevil," "Gigli," "Jersey Girl," "Paycheck," "Pearl Harbor," "Surviving Christmas"
Eddie Murphy - "Adventures of Pluto Nash," "I Spy," "Imagine That," "Meet Dave," "Norbit," "Showtime"
Mike Myers - "Cat in the Hat," "The Love Guru"
Rob Schneider - "The Animal," "Benchwarmers," "Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo," "Grandma's Boy," "The Hot Chick," "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry," "Little Man," "Little Nicky"
John Travolta - "Battlefield Earth," "Domestic Disturbance," "Lucky Numbers," "Old Dogs," "Swordfish"

WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE
Mariah Carey – "Glitter"
Paris Hilton - "The Hottie & The Nottie," "House of Whacks," "Repo: The Genetic Opera"

Lindsay Lohan - "Herbie Fully Loaded," "I Know Who Killed Me," "Just My Luck"
Jennifer Lopez - "Angel Eyes," "Enough," "Gigli," "Jersey Girl," "Maid in Manhattan," "Monster-in-Law," "The Wedding Planner"
Madonna - "Die Another Day," "The Next Best Thing," "Swept Away"

The Razzie award winners are announced on March 6, the eve of the Oscars.

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Revenge of the ballin'

I should start this with a disclaimer: I’m not particularly fond of director Michael Bay. Unlike majority of his audience I’ve never found his drawn-out, explosion-ridden films enjoyable and most of his lead characters feel like an affront to the human race. When I knew I would have to sit through his latest project, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I had to make a conscious effort to keep an open mind. Yes, people thought I was slightly crazy as I sat down in the cinema muttering to myself “just keep an open mind”. But this process was going well until the opening credits started and the first of many unnecessary explosions began.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the sequel to 2007s uber successful Transformers and takes up where the first one left off. After saving the world, befriending an alien race and getting the girl of his dreams Sam Witwicky (LeBeouf) is off to college and determined to be a `normal guy’. Needless to say the universe has other plans for him. The evil Decepticon robots return to Earth to destroy Sam after he learns the origins of the Transformers. Luckily for Sam he happens to be BFF’s with the good robots, the Autobots led by Optimus Prime, who have formed an alliance with America’s military forces.

However, you don’t need to know any of this because like all Bay films the plot is about as necessary as a Paris Hilton album. The remainder of the movie follows Sam and friends across what the military commander describes as “some random Egyptian desert” in a bid to find the key to destroying the universe before the Decepticons get it. Given the average person goes down at least three IQ points after watching Bay movies, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen still asks viewers to throw a lot more than caution and logic to the wind. For example, for supposedly superior beings it’s laughable the ancient Transformers went for the ol’ hide-the-key-to-destroying-the-universe-behind-a-painting trick. Alas, Bay expects you to go along with this and many other plot shortcomings.

Fans of the first Transformers movie are likely to be disappointed with this effort. Sure, the effects which bring the robots to life are still amazing but what’s really missing is the human element. What made Transformers enjoyable was the talent and quirks of actors like LeBeouf and John Turturro. In the sequel, the actors have little room to move and it feels as if Bay has begrudgingly thrown in the human characters as a segue way between action sequences.

Composer Steve Jablonsky once again delivers a truly suspenseful score for the movie and there are moments when it’s best to close your eyes and just enjoy the brilliance of his work. He has composed on several of Bay’s previous films and here he manages to create the perfect musical balance between adventure and danger. His new music fits ideally into the background of the film and once again Jablonsky proves himself to be one of the most creative and original composers around. Bay, on the other hand, tends to follow formula and regurgitate ideas that work.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen seeps with unoriginal ideas `borrowed’ from a range of earlier and better films. James Cameron must be asking for royalties for a scene practically ripped straight from Aliens where the key baddie, the Fallen, resides in an outer space lair complete with baby Decepticons dangling in embryonic sacks around him. It bares such an uncanny resemblance to the Queen alien, I was sure Sigourney Weaver was going to burst in at any moment and snarl "get away from her you bitch". This is not to mention several effects shots almost identical to those in X-Men 2 and the Mufasa-esque voice of Optimus Prime.

Even the most loyal Bay fans must have been questioning the sanity of their beloved director after a scene in, wait for it, robot heaven. Yes, he really has outdone himself this time and the Bayhem has been raised to an all time high. It’s as if he has made a conscious effort to provide Matt Stone and Trey Parker with as much source material for a Team America sequel as possible.

Did I mention the movie duration? I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was married with children by the time this fiasco finally wrapped up. To pass the three and a bit hours I counted the number of people who walked out of the opening night screening. There were four.

It’s no wonder, as this has to be by far the most ludicrous of all Bay films (which is saying a lot considering this is the guy who made Pearl Harbour and Armageddon). There is no semblance of plot throughout the entire movie. Instead of a beginning, middle and end, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is comprised of three main ingredients; explosions, slow motion shots of military equipment and Transformers doing what they do best – transforming.

The lead characters, many of them continuing over from the first film, adhere to all the clichés. The military unit in particular nearly implodes from cliché overload. You have the token Caucasian soldier with his roguish good looks, the token black soldier who belts out phrases like “whoop ass” as often as he loads his gun and there’s the token British soldier whose sole purpose in the film is to predict impending doom.

Yet it’s Bay’s female characters who leave the nasty aftertaste. At the fore you have Megan Fox playing the token hot chick who, on top of pouting and disrobing on queue, also wisely purrs the line “all girls like dangerous guys”. Once you throw in a college full of women who dress and act like they’re in a non-stop Nelly video and Sam’s idiot of a mother, you get the feeling this is a director who has contempt for the opposite sex. In fact, there isn’t one female character in the film who isn’t in some way offensive. It seems Bay is betting on his audience wanting their women to be like his movies; dumb and eye catching, with nothing under the exterior.

Consensus? Long enough to make Titanic feel like a short-film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen delivers on the explosions and robots but lacks suspense and originality.

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Trailer trash-tastic

So apparently this Superbowl thing is a big deal in America. All the stars come out to perform and the whole country unites to watch buffoons bash themselves silly for a few hours. For movie lovers however, Superbowl is an opportunity to view world first trailers for the biggest blockbusters of the year. Oh, 2009 did not disappoint. There were trailers for obscure animations, trailers for Bayhem fiascos, trailers for Ferrell family adventures and (my personal favourite) a trailer for the super awesome G.I Joe film adaption. Anyway, I’ve listed some of the most notable film trailers below with links to the relevant trailers.
Enjoy

Watch G.I Joe: Rise Of The Cobra trailer here.
Watch Up trailer here.
Watch Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen trailer here.
Watch Fast And The Furious 4 trailer here.
Watch Race To Witch Mountain trailer here.
Watch Angels And Demons trailer here.
Watch Duplicity trailer here.
Watch Star Trek trailer here.
Watch Year One trailer here.
Watch Land Of The Lost trailer here.

Note: I know the G.I Joe: Rise of the Cobra trailer is supposed to be a teaser but it was excruciatingly short. I want to see more of Joseph Gordan-Levitt as super-villan `The Doctor’ darn it!

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Transformers: More than meets the red, glowing eye

It’s no secret I disliked the Transformers movie and spent the entire film laughing my head off at the shameless product placement, shotty acting, over the top script, self indulgent special affects and utter Bayhem that was Michael Bay’s hugely successful creation. Yes, it cut me deep within my soul to know this trashtastic film made so much money and even spawned a generation of f-wits getting the Transformers logo tattooed on them. Seriously, the number of people I’ve seen with a Transformers tattoo freaks me out to no end. Being the box office smash that it was, several sequels are inevitable with the first, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, being released in Australia on June 25 this year. As much as I'd promised myself not to write any news on the Transformers sequel I have a friend who is hopelessly in love with the movies and all Bayhem related projects. So this post and image is for you and only you. Please note, I’m getting no enjoyment out of this. Empire Magazine online posted the first image from the up and coming Transformers sequel on their site yesterday.

The image has got quite a lot of hits which leaves me asking the question, why? The poster depicts the main baddy of the film (The Fallen) but all you can really tell about the Wall E related robot is he has two, red glowing eyes. Whoopdy freakin doo. I’m pretty sure I can create a better marketing poster in paint. And just to further push myself in to the good books online blogging site comingsoon.net has a rough image of Sideswipe, one of the new robots to be featured in Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Click here to check it out.

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